In which I stared at a lot of boobs but in a non-lesbonic way, though there's nothing wrong with that 'cause, hey, everyone experiments freshman year

Last Friday night, I thought the world was against me attending the very swank Seattle Mom Blogs party. I lost the mapquest directions on the way there, even though I had them on my lap. I had to pull over and do a thorough search before I concluded that I sat on the directions and my ass ate them. But what could I do? My ass needs directions!

I'm glad I didn't let my ass get in the way because it was such a blast and I mean that genuinely, not in the Baby-sitters Club sense of the word because those girls didn't have a firm grasp of adjectives. I mean, I don't remember anything about them taking infant CPR classes, only sticking straws in oranges for a "fun treat" or how Claudia Kishi was oh-so-stylish with her cosby sweaters and STIRRUP PANTS.

But enough about my ass and 90s-lit-references. The Seattle Mom Blogs party was sponsored by Method. When I told Mike about it, he asked if it was about birth control. Right, environmentally-safe cleaning products totally make me think about the Rhythm Method. This is why I am on the search for the father of Nathan's half-brother or half-sister.

I was afraid that I would have to be on guard since this was a party full of bloggers and there was a good chance that there'd be posts about some drunk woman named Mona who thought there was going to be a game of quarters, but then suggested a round of "organic quarters."

It was an interesting game of staring at boob-level name tags to figure out, oh yes, I've read your blog or oh yes, you're the one getting married or you're the one who just had a baby. It was like a game of Guess Who, only not annoying and now with cocktails!

And of the many, many awesome moments of the night was when Kathryn asked me if Mona was my real name. I had never thought of Mona as a fake name. Kathryn shared that she writes the way she talks and I would talk the way I write if I had a delete key near my mouth or a button that says, "Save this inane anecdote as draft, Mona."

Seattle Mom Bloggers, I heart you.