I went to St. Louis and did not meet Nelly

I met Mike's two sisters and brother and their families in St. Louis this week and my sister-in-law said something so profoundly stupid I thought I had been hit by a bus, a short yellow bus. Her son told me he had been to Asia and so I asked which Asian country he'd been to and he told me to ask his mom. I turned to my sister-in-law and she said, "Well, we went to Hawaii. I know it's part of the United States, but it's Asian..."

...

Hawaii is not Asia. Just because there are a lot of Japanese tourists and a large Filipino population, it is not Asia. Even if Hawaii were filled with only Asians, there is no way in hell anyone Asian would mistake it for their native country or people living there would turn to each other and say, "Gee, why go to Asia when we can just stay here in Hawaii? It's the same thing!" I am writing this here because I cannot tell this to my sister-in-law and even if I did, it would not make a dent in a geosocial perspective she picked up ten years ago as a tourist shopping at ALA MOANA.

I'm going to make this into a shirt: Hawaii is not Asia.

The Chronic of Narnia Rap

The funniest thing I've seen in a long time, second only to yo' mama.

Saturday Night Live - The Chronic of Narnia Rap

king kong > adrien brody

Last night Mike and I watched King Kong and the baby moved everytime King Kong appeared. It felt like the baby was on those wheeled-gerbil things. It was very cool, the movie and the movement. I don't care what people are saying about the effects being over the top, I liked it. Plus, I would definitely prefer hanging out with a primate than Adrien Brody. He's a douche.

sleepytime

I've had two dreams recently in which someone tried to kill me. Both dreams took place on Saipan. Last night, I dreamt that my uncle who ran for governor was after me, so I ran to my neighbor's house and called 911, but was only able to get my brother on the line. And if my brother's the only one who can help me, I might as well be dead.

I'm eating for two (tables)

A couple of weeks ago, I complained to my husband that this hatchling stole my love of food. But not anymore, folks. I love food. I love the freedom that this pregnancy allows. And there's this strange phenomenon occuring. People want me to eat. Not only do they want me to eat, they encourage it. Everyone brought food to the last writing class and my professor said, "You can eat first. In fact, you can sit right next to the table, if you'd like." Whenever I went up for more food, he seemed to applaud my eating. How cool is that? What's even better is that I've only gained four pounds since my last doctor's appointment, so I've got about thirty-one more pounds to go.

Free at last.

advice from my mother

My mother believes that your child will look like the person you hated during your pregnancy, so she asked me to stop hating my brother and start hating Tom Cruise.

I know how babies are made.

One of my professors last year, a sweet and shrewd woman, shared with the small class that she was pregnant. Since it was a seminar class and we had already discussed numerous socio-political issues, she talked about how awkward it was that people had such access to her body. I've been thinking a lot about what she said, and it's true. Pregnancy is an outward, visible sign of something personal and private. When I wear my maternity tops to school or work, people notice. They don't gawk or gasp, but I am aware of the long glances. Once my belly is enormous, I will wear a shirt that says, "I know how babies are made."

mini-prayers

Every day I see versions of what I want my son to be and more of what I don't. On the bus, I say mini-prayers, like, "Dear God, don't let my son be like that jerkface," or "Dear God, please don't ever let my son say 'Hella'."

crossed-fingers

As much as I love my job, I am hoping someone will tell me there's no work today.

I am thankful that I'm pregnant during the winter, because I'm hot enough as it is, and no, my friend, I'm not referring to my sexiness.