testing testing

Tomorrow I have to take a glucose test to check if I have gestational diabetes, one of these great possibilities that comes with pregnancy. This doubly sucks because I can't eat anything beforehand and I'll be damned if anything comes between me and my cap'n crunch.

what the vagina monologues forgot to mention

With all this talk about the Winter Olympics, I want to put in a request. I want my child to come out like a luger. Arms to the side, my friend, no elbow or knee action. Okay?

In front of a bowl of candy at bank of america

Manager: Hi! Can I help you?

Me: No, I don't need any help. I'm just here for the candy.

Next stop: Detroit

One of the birthday gifts Mike got me was a Seahawks cap. However, immediately after he gave it to me, he started wearing it. And if we win today's game he'll wear it until after the Superbowl. You figure that out.

mama-san

Last night Mike took me to Benihana because I am a big fan of food that involves special production. The hostess told us that we would have to wait about six minutes for a table to open up. When it was close to the six minute mark, I started rubbing my round globe of a belly and put on my best pained "Feed me and my unborn baby" face. It didn't work. We were seated at a round kidney-shaped table with a metal grill. Also seated were two Asian women with their respective children. Mike told me that the downside of Benihana was sitting with people you don't know, but I didn't mind. I surveyed the boys and tried to figure out what my son will look like.

**

About a week or so ago, a classmate who's writing a story about a young pregnant woman interviewed me. I told him about my great fear that my son will grow up to be a tool and it will be my fault. How many tools have you met and wondered what their mothers did to them that caused such toolness? On Saipan, I had a boyfriend who addressed his mother by her first name, never "mother" or "mom". He was also a pathological liar who cared more about Magic the Gathering than getting a real job. I also had a racist boyfriend who only spoke to his mother a few times a year. When I met his mom, she showed me a statuette of a little black girl and said, "Don't you love my niglet?" Are these just coincidences?

**

At dinner one of the boys said, "Thanks Mom."

I told Mike, "Won't it be great when Nathan says 'Thank You'?"

Mike smiled and said, "Won't it be great when Nathan's mom learns how to say 'please'?"

I guess it's been a while.

And for your random internet activity: Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age

yay me!

I'm going into work late today. Why?

It's my birthday!!!!

argh.

After 25 days of rain, I realize I have the world's smallest umbrella. I would probably have better coverage if I just held my hands above my head.

new year, new name.

So I've made a decision: I'm going to change my last name. Since getting married in September, I've put off this step partly because I'm really lazy for long processes, but mostly because I love my last name. It's artsy and ethnic and I love saying it and signing it. So today I had a long talk with my last name. We took a walk on Alki and we laughed over memories, like how many times I've received credit card applications in Spanish. At dinner, I lit some votive candles, played Barry White and served roasted pork tenderloin with watercress and cranberry chutney. Then I carried my last name to bed and we made sweet sweet love because that's the only way you say good-bye.

Unlucky numbers

At the doctor's today, I found out that I've gained 13 pounds in one month. That's like a pound every three days. But I tell you, hearing how much weight I've gained made me really hungry.

Here's the paddle

It�s the beginning of winter quarter, which brings to mind a phrase my mother offered all my teachers at the start of the school year: �Do not hesitate to scold my daughter.� I�m sure she probably whispered out of earshot: �And if you need to beat her, go ahead.�