my big fat crazy family roadtrip
This is a compensated review from BlogHer and the Shell Family of Cards
In 1990, my family and I traveled from Salem, Oregon to Orlando, Florida. Our mission was three-fold: 1) Visit my aunt in Orlando, 2) Visit Disney World and 3) Do not strangle each other on the way to the happiest place on earth.
I remember seeing folded maps sprawled on our dining room table, my father poring over the plan to get our family there. This was all charming in retrospect: the pre-mapquest/googlemaps/GPS options, when all you had to guide you were Rand-McNally guides and whoever was working at the gas station.
On board were my sister Bobbie, brother George, other sister Arlene with her husband, their two boys (one an infant!) and daughter, my mom and dad, my aunt, her boyfriend, two daughters, son and I’m sure seventy-other people from Saipan I’m forgetting. And this was a relatively small group for Pacific Islander standards.
The majority of the group traveled in my aunt’s van, the others were in our family’s red Oldsmobile. We spoke to each other on CB radios, changing coordinates, scheduling bathroom breaks and stops to eat.
My brother and sister fought over who controlled the music. The battle was between Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” and Depeche Mode’s “Never Let Me Down Again.” My brother kept yelling, “WORD TO YOUR MOTHER!” until my father snapped at him in Japanese, “URASAI!” which means, “Shut up or you’ll have to perform Hari Kari on yourself.” To settle the disputes like this, my father would take over the music and we were all forced to listen to Jim Reeves’ “He’ll Have to Go.” If we were especially rowdy, my father made us sing along. I would close my eyes and replay episodes of the Muppet Babies while my father crooned since none of us had a Walkman to take our minds away.
During the few days to make it through the country, almost all the children came down chicken pox, including me. Luckily, none of the cases were severe; we were treated with Calomine lotion rubs, and baking soda baths in hotel bathrooms. I learned later that other families–NORMAL FAMILIES–canceled their road trips when a member they LOVED got chicken pox. My family I guess didn’t get the Coming to America memo that THIS IS WHAT NORMAL FAMILIES DO.
Our family infiltrated rest areas and ate our island food at picnic tables. My mom brought her own wok and rice cooker to make our meals. We stayed at the cheapest motels; some of them had medical sheets that read “Hospital Property” under the layers of blankets (no joke). We made friends with other traveling kids at the pool, made fun of each other and finally made it to Disney World sans strangulation.
The road trip, as fumbling and bumbling as it was, remains one of my favorite memories of childhood. I wouldn’t have wanted to experience that summer with anyone else as crazy as my own family.
Photo spoiler alert: I’m the one in pink, with the frizzy home perm and arms akimbo. I think I had been watching too much Punky Brewster: I’m sporting a fierce attitude.
What are your road trip memories? Check out the other BlogHer reviewers’ tales from the road!
Thank you to Shell for inspiring me to take a trip down memory lane! And listen up, for a limited time only, Shell is offering a return of 30 cents per gallon on the first 100 gallons purchased with a Shell Card within a 90-day period. The promotional savings is available at all Shell-branded stations nationwide for those who sign up and are approved for a new Shell Card from June 29, 2009 to September 30, 2009. Check out the official site for more information on the Shell family of cards, great for road trips!
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